Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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