I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
oh god the rape fog is back!
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
