it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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