last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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