bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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