its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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