yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
