remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
