I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
