hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
