420 ftw
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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