I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
