i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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