woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I will be naked everywhere
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
