How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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