I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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