just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
