yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
