STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
