I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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