Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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