Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
