I CAN MOONWALK!
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
