I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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