I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
