Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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