Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
