When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
