i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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