So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Randomize
