Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
