I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
It was confusing and full of hummus
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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