I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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