Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
