do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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