I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
