How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
