i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
