He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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