brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
