i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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