im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
