I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
