is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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