Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
