you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
