i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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