Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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