I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I can't trust your balls anymore.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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