Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Randomize
