I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
