That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
COCAINE IS GR8
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
